So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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