fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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