Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
