Fine. I'll sleep in my office
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
