If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
