I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
