so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
