Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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