Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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