Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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