I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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