I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
