I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
