clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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