My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
