You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
