i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
