By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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