I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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