a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
