I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
