Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
