We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
