Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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