3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
