to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
