I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
