I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
