Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
