I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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