you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
