Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
