he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
