I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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