how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
