It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
