I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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