last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
