i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
