I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
