The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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