Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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