Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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