I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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