i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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