just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
