I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
