This dress was meant to end up on your floor
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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