i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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