now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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