what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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