Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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