I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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