john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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