the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
