that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just google imaged poop.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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