Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
