Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There's always time for handjobs
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
