So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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