i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
