I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
