'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
