I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
