That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
